Ugh. Just.. ugh.

Going to keep this one short today, because i don't want to dwell in unhappy situations. I could NOT get to sleep last night! And I wasn't tossing or turning. My legs weren't jittery. My brain could not turn off. I did try to read, and that did help. I saw an updated picture of your beautiful and stunning face and now I am listless. All I can think about is kissing you! I daydream about it while I'm driving. I think of your long skinny fingers running up and down my arms, giving me goosebumps. I think about you whispering dirty things in my ears and making me shudder at every thought. I think about your soft lips against your gristly beard. I think about touching your face.. that beard, your dark hair.. and I sigh. Because not only do I really get lost in those moments.. it makes me .. uncomfortable. Because of course my mind goes elsewhere! I would LOVE to just wrap my arms and legs around you! And I love every thought that puts your hands on my body.. somewhere.. everywhere! I am completely hopeless at trying to restrain my thoughts. Yesterday I was lead to hope again, small as it might be. I told you how great a smile you truly have. And I believe this with all my heart. I think I have opened that picture a dozen times now and stared at it. Yes, I have issues. And I think about living in a cool climate year round, trudging in the snow, being able to wear a sweatshirt during every month. I love sweatshirts and cool weather. I'm not sure how I will fare without my sunshine.. but at this point I am dying to find out. I am excited at the thought.. me! Excited to live in the snow! Yuck! But it's where you are. And after I told you how great your smile was, you didn't seem put off. In fact, you finally played your new words game with me after I had asked to start it 4 days ago. I need to cool off before I play my turn I think. You gave me all of like three lines of communication yesterday and I'm flying high off of it. "Thanks :)" was one. Ha!! I'm going nutty over a THANKS! WTH is WRONG with me!? So yeah.. gonna wait to take my turn I think. So that I stop acting like an idiot! That movie "Hitch" with Will Smith where he's like a tutor for dudes who fail on dates.. and then he meets a girl he likes and does the same stupid stuff.. not being able to control his talking or walking or any movements ... just not being smooth at all! That's how I feel! Completely stupid! I'm smarter than this... I need to ... back it off maybe. I am glowing with desperation! So .. ugh. I'll figure out how to get a hold of myself.. maybe...

btw, completely in love still. <3 -if you couldn't tell... ;-)