Monday -just another day

Dearest Love,
Hello again friend! Today is a bright and sunny morning in the bay area of CA! I was able to run a mile this morning before spin class and do it comfortably without too much fatigue.. in 8:40! I was happy to have that accomplishment. I got out and ran 4.2 yesterday at a very slow average pace of 9:50. I am resolved to drink less caffeine so that I can feel more of the effects of my 5hr energy when I take it for running. I think having that boost is more important than chugging whatever I want during the day. And since I'm resolved.. by golly I'm going to do it!

I learned this morning that a friend of mine has recently and unexpectedly died leaving behind a husband and two darling daughters. I knew this woman and tried not to face the reality that it was in fact her. I met her at spin class years ago. I discovered her children went to the same school as my children, and last year or the year before her children signed up for the same swim team as our family. I think when someone passes away it gives the rest of us a chance to really reflect on the most important things in life and to make sure we aren't taking them for granted. I did think of you this morning and all this time I seem to be wasting not telling you every single day how much I love you and how much better you've made me. I would think you'd appreciate the sentiment however... I am afraid that every time I do I offend you and you are the last person I ever want to offend. So I am restraining myself. I wish i could say that I'm living life to the fullest, that I'm taking every opportunity at being someone great and respectful, honest and virtuous. I am incomplete though. I am a good person all by myself. I do great things. I am disciplined. I get the job done. I ask for help when I need help. I want to aspire! I know there are better things.. more things to know about, more books to read, more skills to acquire.. but I think importantly there are people to love. And there are those people out there who might share love with you and make you a better person by sharing that feeling.

You had mentioned living alone as a hermit for the rest of your days as your boys have grown and become more independent. I think this is not the way life should be lived. I think we were created so that we could bond together and instinctively love one another. And how can you love someone when you live alone? We were not meant to be alone. I think our divine purpose is to be together and learn from each other and LOVE. I think when we care about each other and let each other know, it makes us happier and if we are happier.. I think that makes us better people. I still agree that we are not two halves that make a whole. I think we are more like 1+1=awesome. And I still believe we could be awesome.

Today I have to get to Costco. My phone keeps crapping out on me! It's not faring so well with damp conditions IE I keep tucking it into my sport bra when I run and it may be damaging it more than I want to acknowledge. I also am wondering today.. if there are any customer service positions I could do at home to make a little extra $$. I wonder where I could even research that and not be scammed. Things to think about ... hmmm. I have packed on a few lbs and I'm not happy about it, so I'm going to try and be better this week. And by better I mean more water, fewer white breads/unnecessary sugars, smaller quantities all around. Also.. I think I need to keep playing piano since I was released from my organist position in the church. I think having done it every Sunday has helped keep my technique for legato strong.. and I don't want to falter. Gotta keep my skills sharpened! Other than these things.. and laundry to fold, carpets to vacuum.. life is kinda mellow today.

I hope your weekend went well. Yesterday -Mother's Day- came and went. I had my egg white breakfast with cocoa, did some reading, didn't do any folding, cut up fruit and enjoyed having my family over for a birthday visit. I played tetris with Mark .. something I haven't done forever and oh, how I've missed it. He and Dawnette will be leaving for Irvine soon, and they'll be gone for at least a year. They leave within a month I believe. Sad! Life moves on. And I'm glad we are family. I will always keep them close. Like I wish I could be with you.. but you are to me anyway. I keep you close to my heart and wish and hope for better days. I thought when spring came it would bring you out of your "winter cave.." And even then I don't think I appreciated enough the time I spent with you however hard I did try. I tried to let you know how much you meant to me every day. I miss those days. Thank you for giving them to me! I love you and I wish you well, dear friend.