Broken Record

Repeat after me:
He hurt you.
He broke you.
He took it all back.
He left you.
He never loved you.

He never loved you.

I think you are more broken in your mind, in your heart, and in your spirit than you ever have been. You no longer know what love is or how to go about it, because you at least know it should be a happy thing and yet.. you have pretty much gone crazy and over the edge of sanity now. You can't trust anyone now. You've lived a marriage that seemed so cold and alone for so long. And you met this guy and he was different. He made you feel like you were worth some ultimate sacrifice.. he made you believe you were worth waiting a lifetime for. He called your relationship the love of a lifetime. And then he played the ultimate betrayal, and he left you to fend for yourself. He took back every praise he ever gave when he decided he no longer needed you and instead needed space. What's to become of you now, now that you're no longer his princess? He broke you. And you continue to relive that break.. over and over you feel it. You torture yourself every day with it! It hasn't healed over.. and its about to get a hundred times worse. You feel its worth it.. meeting him is worth it. And it is.

If I have to go through this pain forever for the chance to meet him just once, to see the universe in his eyes.. I leap at the chance. Its not going to be the same. But..Head first. It will hurt. Always. So if its always going to hurt, what's the point of trying to put myself back together? Just.. let it hurt. I don't care anymore. What once was bright.. can't seem to rise from the shadows.