and... SWING!

I feel like a mess today.  My world has just crashed down in my head, and I am trying to stop it.  You know that moment in time where you come to realize things aren't always as they seem?  That point in life where everything is not so ignorantly okay..?  Yes, it's definitely one of those afternoons.

My mom is visiting with Marie.  She'll be there for a few weeks at least.  Then she'll visit with Amy and Mason.  She dotes on them.  She brags about them.  She has a dozen stories to tell about her visits from them at a moment's notice.  There is much love and time devoted to them in her heart.  When she comes here to my house.. she can't leave quickly enough.  And that's all I get from my mom.

My mother in law.  Dear Lord.  If there was any personality as rash or offensive.. everything is counter-active.  Nothing can be done because there is one excuse lined up after another as to why she shouldn't just sit her ass down on the couch and do whatever she wants even if that means doing absolutely nothing.   And she's SO incredibly tired all the time NEVERMIND how late she stays up every night playing computer games.. wasting time.. 2am..?  3am??  who knows.  the evidence is all over FB.  But when it comes to the grand-daughters.. oh, those blessed grand-daughters.  Oh how she misses them.  They are darlings... they are so sweet and precious.. They are truly missed.  They should move back and live with her again.   That's how it should always be!

This is horseshit.  This is why I am the way I am.  I am fording a mighty river over here.  I have to constantly listen to how both of my mothers just love and adore all my other siblings but when it comes to me and my family, my boys, my home.. they drop by or stop in for an hour, maybe two, and then they're off again like it's no big deal.  Watch me when I move so far away from you that you won't need to pretend anymore.  You know what they always say.. you don't appreciate something until it's gone.. maybe that's what we need most.  To be gone... but then, I've spent so much time trying not to care about the fact that you would rather be somewhere else that it makes me angry to think you would do that.. realize you do enjoy us after we leave.  Like what Ben's trying to do by mending his ways and making these life altering changes.. why the hell can't you see we're right here and need you now?!  Why does it take you a slap in the face to see we have ALWAYS been right here?