The Story of a Girl: Boyfriends Past

A girl I know used to be a happy girl. This girl was the happiest girl on the block.. at the store, at the mall, she'd brighten up to anyway. She'd always buy things she didn't need. The sales people were too persuasive, and they could spot a sucker a mile away. Something tragic happened to this girl. It wasn't her fault. She was the nicest girl you could ever meet. Her story is an interesting one. I want to try and understand it. So I want to try and write it. It goes something like this...

Once upon a time there lived a girl. She had brown hair and hazel eyes. She wasn't a beautiful girl, but she was a happy girl. She was happy with herself as far as I could see. She was so warm and caring, always laughing, always seeming interested. There was a light in her eyes. Everyone wanted that light, and she loved sharing it. She was a giver. Maybe that was her downfall.

I watched this girl day in and day out. I wasn't her friend, but I wanted to be. She'd sit alone sometimes, and she'd either be reading or writing. She'd pick right up whenever anyone came near. She liked hanging out. She liked having friends. To me, she was kinda popular. I even watched her fall in love. More than once.

The first time I saw her fall in love, she was very young -14 I think- it was with some guy who shaved his head and had a tattoo. He didn't look too much older, but he smelled of weed and poverty. It didn't look like he had much, but to his name it seemed he loved her greatly. I watched them together and wondered what they saw in each other. Talk about a difference of classes! They went to the same school but they definitely were not of the same social crowds. Out of nowhere it seemed she started hanging on this guy, why? No one knows. (Where did she find him anyway?) If she was trying to prove a point, I think she missed it because they are definitely not together now. Their relationship was short lived to say the least. One day they are all over each other in bliss and the next he's no where to be found. Did he flee the country? Is he in a ditch somewhere? All I can say is she was devastated. Tears for weeks. She couldn't have been the one to end it, she looked so torn. After their breakup she started bringing some kind of needlework to school. What, was she like 50 now? Never again to go out? Like we all haven't had our share of breakups. I mean, come on. Now's not the time to declare ourselves to a nunnery.

The second boyfriend I watched her with was a few months later. Or maybe it was a few years. Not too quick after the last for sure, but she had a light in her eyes again. Always with that light, I saw it come and go. She had the best kind of light when she wasn't with anyone at all. But now it gleamed so bright you couldn't miss it. The first few days she was glimmering. Light poured all over the two of them. It seemed though that most of that light came from her. No matter, she had enough. He was a fine looking gentleman, too. Hair brushed, teeth white, clothes clean. Good looking guy. And they dated a while. A few months as a matter of fact. Then all of a sudden the light started to flicker. She still beamed with pride but it was almost like a hand just went through the flame of her candle. One second as bright as could be, then a shadow, and the light all of a sudden came back.. so quickly. Hot. Huh, must have been the wind. This boy was so... interested! And happy. Yes, most definitely he seems happy. They are perfect. He's perfect. After a couple months though, she has an accident ..at practice maybe? And her arm the next day is in a cast. Her face has some bruises, but where is he? Huh.. he's um.. wait.. where is he? And what happened to her? Oooohhh.. she didn't have an accident at practice. She got in a wreck. Oh my goodness! Is she okay? Whew.. totally okay. But yeah.. where did he go? Don't they have a term paper or something? He should be in school... hmm. He left town suddenly? What?? After her accident? I need to talk to her.. the school is a buzz! Oh no.. seriously? I can't believe it. Oh, I get it. Prom was last weekend. Turns out he wasn't after her because he liked her. He made a bet with his friends if he could nail her afterward they'd give him $100 each. Looks like he lost that bet, but man.. what happened to her? Must have been right before.. and he just dumped her, just like that? After her accident? What an a-hole!

So I kept my eye on that poor girl. She seemed like it didn't affect her that much even though it should. Doesn't she know guys shouldn't do that to girls?? I mean, she's so beautiful on the inside! She's such a bright and cheery person. She has so many strengths. At any rate, I love this girl. She'll fall in love again and when it happens I want to see her shine so bright. She needs another light to help her keep going.
* * * * *
It's later in life now. This same girl hasn't had another boyfriend since that bet. Too skeptical now I bet. He scarred her pretty good. She must really have loved that guy. Recently though I've seen her keeping busy with a musical theater production. See what I mean? That light will never die. I wonder what it is that keeps it bright.. She's grown taller, straighter. For a while there she kinda went off track. I didn't want to write about those times, because this girl is still just the brightest star in my universe. I wish I could just .. talk to her! Oh well.

She and this one guy started hanging out, and this is where I want to get to now. So she and this one guy.. they started hanging out and it didn't look like much was going to happen. All of a sudden though I saw her light. I saw it in her eyes. Every time he came by it was like she was on fire. I've never seen her so bright. If I can describe this guy, maybe it'll make more sense because no one falls in love that gradually. Like, all of a sudden they knew something the other didn't and overnight things changed. These two people, they are the best of friends it seems. She's always interested in everything he does, everything he says. And the way he looks at her. The first time they saw each other, it was like they were trying to analyze a Monet. Very studious. Not afraid to stare, either of them. Somehow they've been connected and they just knew they were supposed to be together.

He tosses her hair for her, and he strokes her arm from time to time. I can see he loves the feel of her skin next to his. They sit close all the time. I watch them, as I've always watched her, and I wonder how long this one will last. Yeah, yeah.. I'm a skeptic when it comes to this girl. Every time she falls, she falls hard. She falls in love so easily, and she loves so deeply. She's entirely too trusting. To a fault. They look like the best of friends, these lovers, and yet.. they never embrace each other. They never make that connection; they never seal themselves togther or .. consummate, I guess. There's something lacking in fulfillment, but I can't quite put it into words..

Years pass. Still the same. They are surprisingly still together. But they are also still in that first state, that first season of passion. Like they're torturing one another. How long can this last anyway? Is this what it's like? Is this how it's supposed to be? I think not, but it seems they never tire of each other or what the other is doing. I can see it though. I can see the desire in their eyes. Any day now.. one of them is going to cave. And when it happens I just have to wonder. Will it be the same, or better? Or *gulp* worse? But how can it be worse? They've been the best of friends... of intimate mental and emotional lovers for so long. Her hair is longer now. He still enjoys running his hand through it. And she still gets goosebumps at every graze of his touch. It's so electric. Even now. This couple is so very dear to me. I love watching them! They spend every waking minute together. And yet he sees her to her door every night with a soft touch of his hand and a bright smile on his face, like he can never get enough of just the sight of her. She has the same look. So endearing. So.. longingly. Lovingly. They are the closest I've ever seen two people. Do they know how silly they look!? Like a movie without an ending. Everyone has an ending. No one is this deliriously happy without .. well, without moving forward.

Then all of a sudden a day and a night passes, and a morning breaks and she's alone again. Oh no. No, no, no, NO! What happened?! He was my absolute favorite! They were my favorite of all time! My dream! I can't even believe it! After all this time. She is alone again. And now she seems really, very much just alone. More alone than I've ever seen her. Her face is grisley. Like it was stretched to far and a weak attempt was made at putting it back. So many wrinkles, like she ages decades overnight. It's the look of dread, like a great loss.. the greatest loss is her fate. I only saw her through a window because her head isn't lifting off her pillow. There is no energy around her at all. Not even a small flicker. Nothing moves. Silence. Not even crying or sobs. Shock maybe? I have to wonder.. did it finally happen? Did they try something and it didn't work and he could no longer stand the sight of her? Or was it ... was it maybe her choice? But how can it be her choice.. she looks so.. like death passed in front of her and gave her up. There is no more light. Not to be shared, not to be given, none. Nothing. Loss. Dampness takes up the heavy air. The longing is gone. She was my favorite to watch. And now it's gone. He's gone. Where to, I don't know. They all leave. She seems so fragile just laying there. So tiny and helpless. So broken.
* * * *

That's the story of a girl I know. Or at least just one story. There's more but that's all for now. She survived that final heartache.. barely. She's always alone and she's never looked back. I wish she did though. I wish she looked around for that guy. I wish he'd listen to her just one more time, just once to see the hurt and .. the very black look in her eyes directly afterward. Her light is building up again, but it will never be as strong as it was. He has to know what he did, and who he did it to. My favorite girl. The girl with brown hair and hazel eyes. She's destined for greatness. Only someone so great could endure such a loss. Because that indeed left a hole that never will mend. Someday soon.. I hope she meets up with that guy again. Someday soon.. I hope they befriend eachother again, because they have to see for themselves. What they had no one else has ever had. And no one will have it that great again. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic. But seriously.. I long to see them together again. Soon.