Updated after a week.. RTO just ran

It's been a week!

I keep breaking down.  I need to learn how to keep it together.  I actually held a conversation (via chat) that lasted until I went to bed from before I had dinner.  I haven't talked with him for that long in a VERY long time.  And I thought about it this morning, and it hurt.. a lot.  I have lost so much.  And I don't even know if there is coming back from this at this point.  I feel as though this is a wound that will never close.  And I fear it will never close or start to heal if I continue to hold onto something I shouldn't hold onto.  I don't know if I can handle friendship right now.  Break ups SUCK.  And we didn't even officially break up.  It was more of a dissolve.  Fissile.  Where there was fire there is now not even embers!  It makes me want to delve into young adult genre novels again.  I've been trying my hardest to get into his "Dies the Fire" series but it is not easy reading for me.  And I need to pick myself up in a serious way.  YA books do that for me, so maybe that's something I can do.  I'm in a funk and I need to get out of it.  NOW.  I need to love running again.  I need to love training, and I need to ... but I don't want to.. cut myself off.  The way that I love him runs deep within me.  Every day my heart feels scratched, bleeding.  Every day I say my prayer and ask for blessings upon him.  So he might know that I love him.  So that he can feel comforted.  That his heart will soften.  I love him so dearly even still.  I have given up my life and my heart for him, and my sorrow has not tapered, not one bit.  I have much waiting to go.